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Marriage and family

The rights of husband and wife

The ruling in short

Allah commands: live with them in kindness (4:19), and says that women have rights similar to those against them in what is right (2:228). The Prophet ﷺ said: the best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. He also advised to treat women well.

1The husband's duties

  • Spending on his wife and family according to his means (food, clothing, housing).
  • Kind and fair treatment, and equal treatment between wives if there is more than one.
  • Not harming her, and not humiliating or striking her in any way that harms.
  • Protecting her honour and teaching her what she needs from religion.

2The wife's duties

  • Fulfilling the husband's rights in marriage, in what is right.
  • Safeguarding his home, his wealth and her own honour.
  • Cooperating on the household and raising the children, according to the custom the two agree on.

3Leadership and consultation

  • Allah says that men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what they spend (4:34). This leadership is a responsibility, not an excuse for harshness.
  • The Prophet ﷺ advised to take care of women, saying that they were created from a rib. This meant to be gentle and patient with them.

Where the schools differ

The four Sunni schools agree on the main ruling above and differ in these points. No school is preferred here.

  • Housework. the schools differ about whether it is an obligation on the wife or a matter of custom and kindness. Both are encouraged to help each other, as the Prophet ﷺ did in his home.

The evidence

From the Quran

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرْهًۭا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا۟ بِبَعْضِ مَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٍۢ مُّبَيِّنَةٍۢ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا ﴿١٩﴾

Enyi mlio amini! Si halali kwenu kuwarithi wanawake kwa nguvu. Wala msiwadhikishe ili mwapokonye baadhi ya mlivyo wapa - isipo kuwa wakifanya uchafu ulio wazi. Na kaeni nao kwa wema, na ikiwa mmewachukia, basi huenda mkakichukia kitu, na Mwenyezi Mungu ametia kheri nyingi ndani yake.

وَٱلْمُطَلَّقَٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍۢ ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْءَاخِرِ ۚ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوٓا۟ إِصْلَٰحًۭا ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيْهِنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌۭ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ ﴿٢٢٨﴾

Na wanawake walio achwa wangoje peke yao mpaka t'ahara (au hedhi) tatu zipite. Wala haiwajuzii kuficha alicho umba Mwenyezi Mungu katika matumbo yao, ikiwa wanamuamini Mwenyezi Mungu na Siku ya Mwisho. Na waume wao wana haki ya kuwarejesha katika muda huo, kama wakitaka kufanya sulhu. Nao wanawake wanayo haki kwa Sharia kama ile haki iliyo juu yao. Na wanaume wana daraja zaidi kuliko wao. Na Mwenyezi Mungu ni Mwenye nguvu na Mwenye hikima.

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ﴿٣٤﴾

Wanaume ni wasimamizi wa wanawake, kwa kufadhiliwa na Mwenyezi Mungu baadhi yao juu ya baadhi, na kwa mali yao wanayo yatoa. Basi wanawake wema ni wale wenye kut'ii na wanao jilinda hata katika siri kwa kuwa Mwenyezi Mungu ameamrisha wajilinde. Na ambao mnachelea kutoka katika ut'iifu wanasihini, muwahame katika malazi na wapigeni. Wakikut'iini msiwatafutie njia ya kuwaudhi bure. Hakika Mwenyezi Mungu ndiye aliye juu na Mkuu.

From the Sunnah

Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895

The point of the hadith: The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.

Graded by

  • Ahmad Muhammad Shakir: Sahih
  • Al-Albani: Sahih
  • Bashar Awad Maarouf: Hasan Sahih
  • Zubair Ali Zai: Hasan
Read the Arabic text

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ صَحِيحٌ مِنْ حَدِيثِ الثَّوْرِيِّ مَا أَقَلَّ مَنْ رَوَاهُ عَنِ الثَّوْرِيِّ ‏.‏ وَرُوِيَ هَذَا عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مُرْسَلٌ ‏.‏

Read it on sunnah.com

Sahih al-Bukhari 3331 Authentic collection

The point of the hadith: The Prophet ﷺ told us to treat women well, because a woman is created from a rib.

Read the Arabic text

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، وَمُوسَى بْنُ حِزَامٍ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ مَيْسَرَةَ الأَشْجَعِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ، فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَىْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلاَهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ ‏"‏‏.‏

Read it on sunnah.com

This is general information, not a fatwa. For your own situation, ask a qualified scholar.

Fiqh questions

The rights of husband and wife

Allah commands: live with them in kindness (4:19), and says that women have rights similar to those against them in what is right (2:228). The Prophet ﷺ said: the best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. He also advised to treat women well.

Is this a fatwa?

No. It is a summary of well-known rulings with their evidence. For your own case, ask a qualified scholar.

What if my school differs from this answer?

Follow the view of the school you follow and the scholar who teaches you. The page lists the differences of the four schools.

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