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Marriage and family

The rights of husband and wife

The ruling in short

Allah commands: live with them in kindness (4:19), and says that women have rights similar to those against them in what is right (2:228). The Prophet ﷺ said: the best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. He also advised to treat women well.

1The husband's duties

  • Spending on his wife and family according to his means (food, clothing, housing).
  • Kind and fair treatment, and equal treatment between wives if there is more than one.
  • Not harming her, and not humiliating or striking her in any way that harms.
  • Protecting her honour and teaching her what she needs from religion.

2The wife's duties

  • Fulfilling the husband's rights in marriage, in what is right.
  • Safeguarding his home, his wealth and her own honour.
  • Cooperating on the household and raising the children, according to the custom the two agree on.

3Leadership and consultation

  • Allah says that men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what they spend (4:34). This leadership is a responsibility, not an excuse for harshness.
  • The Prophet ﷺ advised to take care of women, saying that they were created from a rib. This meant to be gentle and patient with them.

Where the schools differ

The four Sunni schools agree on the main ruling above and differ in these points. No school is preferred here.

  • Housework. the schools differ about whether it is an obligation on the wife or a matter of custom and kindness. Both are encouraged to help each other, as the Prophet ﷺ did in his home.

The evidence

From the Quran

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرْهًۭا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا۟ بِبَعْضِ مَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٍۢ مُّبَيِّنَةٍۢ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا ﴿١٩﴾

Hai orang-orang yang beriman, tidak halal bagi kamu mempusakai wanita dengan jalan paksa dan janganlah kamu menyusahkan mereka karena hendak mengambil kembali sebagian dari apa yang telah kamu berikan kepadanya, terkecuali bila mereka melakukan pekerjaan keji yang nyata. Dan bergaullah dengan mereka secara patut. Kemudian bila kamu tidak menyukai mereka, (maka bersabarlah) karena mungkin kamu tidak menyukai sesuatu, padahal Allah menjadikan padanya kebaikan yang banyak.

وَٱلْمُطَلَّقَٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍۢ ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْءَاخِرِ ۚ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوٓا۟ إِصْلَٰحًۭا ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيْهِنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌۭ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ ﴿٢٢٨﴾

Wanita-wanita yang ditalak handaklah menahan diri (menunggu) tiga kali quru'. Tidak boleh mereka menyembunyikan apa yang diciptakan Allah dalam rahimnya, jika mereka beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat. Dan suami-suaminya berhak merujukinya dalam masa menanti itu, jika mereka (para suami) menghendaki ishlah. Dan para wanita mempunyai hak yang seimbang dengan kewajibannya menurut cara yang ma'ruf. Akan tetapi para suami, mempunyai satu tingkatan kelebihan daripada isterinya. Dan Allah Maha Perkasa lagi Maha Bijaksana.

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ﴿٣٤﴾

Kaum laki-laki itu adalah pemimpin bagi kaum wanita, oleh karena Allah telah melebihkan sebahagian mereka (laki-laki) atas sebahagian yang lain (wanita), dan karena mereka (laki-laki) telah menafkahkan sebagian dari harta mereka. Sebab itu maka wanita yang saleh, ialah yang taat kepada Allah lagi memelihara diri ketika suaminya tidak ada, oleh karena Allah telah memelihara (mereka). Wanita-wanita yang kamu khawatirkan nusyuznya, maka nasehatilah mereka dan pisahkanlah mereka di tempat tidur mereka, dan pukullah mereka. Kemudian jika mereka mentaatimu, maka janganlah kamu mencari-cari jalan untuk menyusahkannya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Tinggi lagi Maha Besar.

From the Sunnah

Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895

The point of the hadith: The best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.

Graded by

  • Ahmad Muhammad Shakir: Sahih
  • Al-Albani: Sahih
  • Bashar Awad Maarouf: Hasan Sahih
  • Zubair Ali Zai: Hasan
Read the Arabic text

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ، قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ صَحِيحٌ مِنْ حَدِيثِ الثَّوْرِيِّ مَا أَقَلَّ مَنْ رَوَاهُ عَنِ الثَّوْرِيِّ ‏.‏ وَرُوِيَ هَذَا عَنْ هِشَامِ بْنِ عُرْوَةَ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مُرْسَلٌ ‏.‏

Read it on sunnah.com

Sahih al-Bukhari 3331 Authentic collection

The point of the hadith: The Prophet ﷺ told us to treat women well, because a woman is created from a rib.

Read the Arabic text

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، وَمُوسَى بْنُ حِزَامٍ، قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، عَنْ زَائِدَةَ، عَنْ مَيْسَرَةَ الأَشْجَعِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ، فَإِنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ خُلِقَتْ مِنْ ضِلَعٍ، وَإِنَّ أَعْوَجَ شَىْءٍ فِي الضِّلَعِ أَعْلاَهُ، فَإِنْ ذَهَبْتَ تُقِيمُهُ كَسَرْتَهُ، وَإِنْ تَرَكْتَهُ لَمْ يَزَلْ أَعْوَجَ، فَاسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ ‏"‏‏.‏

Read it on sunnah.com

This is general information, not a fatwa. For your own situation, ask a qualified scholar.

Fiqh questions

The rights of husband and wife

Allah commands: live with them in kindness (4:19), and says that women have rights similar to those against them in what is right (2:228). The Prophet ﷺ said: the best of you is the best to his wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. He also advised to treat women well.

Is this a fatwa?

No. It is a summary of well-known rulings with their evidence. For your own case, ask a qualified scholar.

What if my school differs from this answer?

Follow the view of the school you follow and the scholar who teaches you. The page lists the differences of the four schools.

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